Does the potential for sexual abuse have its roots in childhood?

I’ve been wondering lately about our human tendency to readily give away our power.

I’m thinking that, as with most everything, it has its roots in childhood.

We’re born powerful, right? When we cry, good parents come running. They feed us, burp us, amuse us, change our diaper and take care of our every need.

Then, as time goes on and we go through the terrible twos, testing out our independence, we find that our infinite power begins to erode.

We are taught to respect our elders, please our parents, and do as we are told. (Some of us, under threat of punishment.) That is all good. (Well, not necessarily the punishment part. But you know what I mean.) We might be little ferocious animals if they didn’t socialize us at an early age.

There’s more . . .

If you were born into a Hebrew, Muslim or Christian religion, as I was, where God is male, you were born into a male dominated society and the tacit belief that the woman should be subservient to the man. He is the one in authority.

In other words, he has power over you.

The paradox is that in the process of growing up, we are carefully taught to give away our power in order to please those in authority.

Years ago, I read of studies that showed that before a child starts kindergarten, she has been told “no” over 40,000 times. What effect do you suppose that hearing NO 40,000 times had on our young minds?

The problem is that once we reach a certain reasonable age, and we know the difference between right and wrong, and we know not to walk across the street without looking both ways, the good fairy does not magically appear, tap us on the shoulder and say, “Now it is time for you to think for yourself, big girl. Come into your own power. Think for yourself. Consider yourself your own authority.”

The good fairy didn’t appear to me. Did she appear to you?

And what does that have to do with Jeffrey Epstein, #MeToo and sexual abuse, you ask?

Well . . .

For one thing, there is an inherent power imbalance in how we are raised. Most sex abuse is by a more powerful person. It’s (usually) men trying to exert their power over women.

They say that power corrupts. I also think that authority corrupts. And I am increasingly of the opinion that patriarchy corrupts.

I want my daughter and every woman in my life to realize that other people have only as much power as we give them.

Because not knowing our own power can often have unexpected consequences.

And that’s the topic of my next post.

mia