They are not just thoughts inspired by my clients’ stories.
I experienced numerous traumas in my younger years . . . from alcohol-infused childhood violence, to being threatened at knife point (by my father-in-law, no less; now there’s another story . . .) to rape, to sexual assaults, sexual betrayals, and sexual harassment on the job. Those were my deepest, frozen secrets. I was well into my 40’s before I could begin to speak of these things.
So I understand the young girls’ secrecy. I understand why Epstein’s accusers kept his manipulations to themselves.
“Nobody would understand. None of us talked about it after that. I’ve been in therapy for ten years and I’ve never talked to my therapist about it.” i
~ Jena-Lisa Jones, victim of Jeffrey Epstein at age 14
When I was 13 or so, I assisted my father with his car auction business on Saturdays. My father’s partner’s son, older than me by several years, worked in the business as well. He took great pleasure in provoking me sexually.
In my case, it wasn’t just shame or humiliation I felt at his sexual advances. It was panic and dread. I would fake excuses for not being able to work on a Saturday. I had to study for an exam. I had to practice for a piano recital. But I never told my father the reason for my excuses. Or my mother.
You might say, I would not have dreamed of telling my parents. And why not? It’s startling to acknowledge, in retrospect, that I wasn’t sure anyone would believe me. Or do anything about it.
Now here’s a statistic: “Based on data from 30 countries, only 1% of adolescent girls who have experienced forced sex reached out for professional help.” ii
Why the girls’ secrecy?
“Nobody ever listened to me. So I never told.”
~ Tarana Burke, founder of the #MeToo movement
In my experience, guilt and shame also play a major role in our secrecy. More on that next time.
If you have a story to tell, my readers and I would love to hear from you.
iMiami Herald. Reporter Julie K. Brown interviews a few of Jeffery Epstein’s victims. They talk about the emotional toll and lasting impact of sexual abuse: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDQJe0PIwbY
ii United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF), 2017. A FAMILIAR FACE: Violence in the lives of children and adolescents